Unlike my other blog
posts that are about the tips and how-to's, this blog is going to be about me. I ventured to write this because I
wanted to let people know that they are not alone in any of the pain that they
are going through. This blog is going to be transparent and real. I am going to
vent out what I have gone through and how I have overcome all life's
tantrums.
My journey is
common. I am one among y'all. Only because I am a coach and do mental health
posts it does not mean that I was born strong with vibrant emotions. I have
gone through a lot of emotional troubles at the very early stages of my life.
I did not know
anything at that time. I badly wanted someone to love me and care for me. I see
all my friends with their colorful life and cute partners living their best life (
At least I thought so). I was always a third wheel or someone who often went
unnoticed. I gave it all to my friends just to be recognized. I just used to go behind people pleading to talk to me. Now, it
actually seems stupid.
Friends I had, treated me as per their use. I was asked to behave as they
wish. If they don't like a relationship, then I should not be in one. If I am
in one, they immediately isolate me. Friendships were all fake. There were so
many snakes ready to bite and chew my head off.
For me, it was all
about love and care. But for some people who were with me. It was all about
money. There was that one person whom I loved eternally. I was so out of my
mind. Madly in a relationship. Wanting it to last forever even if it was
hurting. I was being a puppet and did whatever he asked me to do. I believed
him wholeheartedly. But, what he did to me is something that I can never erase
from my memory. I have already forgiven him. I have no grudge on him now. But,
you know the scar, it remains there like a reminder of how strong some
situations have turned me. "That guy" bluffed to me about his entire
life. He used me just for money. I was terribly broken (I can feel that pain
even now while I am just writing this). I thought there is no way to end my
pain except by ending my life (How stupid I have been!) I even tried once or
maybe twice. Fortunately, I did not succeed in it. It took years to overcome
it. Depression, Anxiety, Loss of trust in everything, migraine, and whatnot.
They say time heals.
It is true. Time really healed my wound. Slowly, I started coming out of my own
trap. I started enjoying my lone time. I started going out. Made some wonderful
friends. And most importantly, I found my treasure - Reading. I started reading
to just distract my thoughts. And turned to be an avid reader. One thing/ even
a person that has been through all my life with me is my books.
Books, really helped
me overcome my depression. But, you know life doesn't show you the fruits so
easily. I got cheated over twice more. But this time the intensity of the pain
was less. Whatever pain is pain. I again went into the cocoon of depression and
insecurities. people also body-shamed me to add on to that pain I was carrying. They would call me "Fat and ugly", "You have to work
out/eat less", "You look older for your age" and so on. I had
all these crap piling up in my mind. And whoever I became close with turned out
to be the one who never gave a fuck about me. I ended my deciding "Fuck, I
am not worthy of anyone so I no need anyone".
Until then, I was
only into fiction novels and books. But, one day I decided to read anything
from a different genre and see if something helps. I searched for the popular
self-help books and ended up buying "The Secret".
MY LIFE CHANGED! I
found that book fascinating. I had a really open mind while reading it. There
was so much in it that I had no clue on. I did not end up only reading it. I
researched a lot, learned so many techniques - especially the law of attraction.
Again, I bought a load of books on self-development. I did not just read I put
everything into practice. And BOOM, it worked. Everything I tried worked. The
most important things that helped me is
First: Law of attraction - the ability to get whatever you want by just tuning up into the universe, I wished for some really specific things and I got them, this boosted
my ability to do what I want. I am not controlled by anyone but me.
Second: Gratitude -
the ability to be content and happy with what you have. For the first time in
my whole life, I was happy without any reason. I was just happy.
Third: Self-love - I
wanted so much love so I started giving it to myself. I no longer cared about
other's opinion nor did I wait to be recognized. I was overwhelming with love.
This was also the first time in my life where I felt the purity of real love.
Fourth: Optimism -
Problems were no longer problems for me. They were an object that leads to me to
a great solution. I changed my perspective and the world around me adjusted
accordingly.
From then on, I have
been a personal development junkie. I have read books, took courses, became a
coach, learning psychology to just help people overcome what they are going
through and become the best version of themselves. We all are capable of wonders.
We are the ones that put on a threshold and limit our own capabilities. I wanted
to make people realize that they are a lot more than they think they are.
When I was going
through pain, I did not have anyone to cry to/talk to. I would go to my terrace
at night and sit in a corner and cry. I don't want any of y'all to undergo that
pain alone. I wanted to reassure people that I am here always rooting for them
to help with their problems. To help to elevate their life. I want to be there
for others, making an impact all the way along with my life.
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