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7 Tips to say 'NO' effectively!


Most of us feel like saying 'NO' will hurt someone's feelings.

I am one of that kind. It was very hard for me to say "NO" to anything. I am a go-to person for all my friends. They have any problem, the next person they come is to me. They would vent out all that they have and return light-hearted. Most of the time I will feel that I had helped someone with their feelings. That would give me a kind of happiness.

But, sometimes I will be left overwhelmed. See, no matter how much I am happy and colorful, I also have my bad and worse days. After all, I am a human being. We all have our ups and downs.

Somedays, I would already be in a very low mood, when someone would suddenly call or text and start talking about their problems. And, I never stopped them. So, adding on to my pressure I also end up hearing others' problems. This would drain me out. I never stopped people because I thought it would be rude.

Somedays were too hard for me to digest everyone's problems. As much as I love to help people, I also want someone to hear me out. But the thing is, I am the one who is always on the listener's side. 

I then understood the power of saying 'NO'. See, it's okay to say 'NO'. If I wanted to protect my energy I will say 'NO'. It is not rude to express your feelings. You cannot drain out in order to please anyone. No. you cannot do that. I have been there, done that. Don’t add on the pressure just to please them. If you feel you don’t want to talk then don’t.

1. Say out the word

The word 'NO' has extreme power. Don’t drag your 'NO'. Don’t say something like "You know, I don’t want to go out", "I am not willing to do that" or "I could not help you with that". Just say "NO", "No, I am not coming out", "NO, I am not doing that". Prefix 'No' to your sentence. It is powerful and it will express your emotions perfectly.



2. Choose you

Every time you say 'Yes' to someone else's needs over yours then it means that you are letting yourself down.

As I always say, there is no one to walk your path and feel what you feel. You are your greatest love. So, always choose you over anyone.

I know it might feel uncomfortable at first. Because, the people who are not used to saying 'No' are the ones with most helping tendency. They put themselves out just to meet the needs of others. This might be generous of you from the other person's point of view. But no one will know that you are dying to say a "NO" and end it.

So, choose what you want to say. Be generous to yourself first and then go meet the needs of others.

3. Understand people's tactics

Ahhh… This part is the most important part. Not everyone who is asking something from you is doing it out of a genuine need. A deep manipulation might lie behind that.

I am a victim of this manipulation. I have lost 30,000+ rupees just because I did not know they were manipulating. They would talk so well with all their sales skills and manipulate you to pay to their product or service. If I was strong and firm in saying "NO" then as I am doing today, then I would have saved lakhs in my account.

Understand their motives before diving in and saying an enthusiastic "YES".



4. Ask questions

Asking a question is a powerful tool for everything in your life.
This is highly effective in a work situation. Let's say a supervisor is asking you to take on several tasks--more than you can handle. You might say, "I'm happy to do X, Y, and Z; however, I would need three weeks, rather than two, to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"



5. Set boundaries

Boundaries are important, especially with some people. If you know that someone is sure of being a negative influence then please avoid them. I am not asking you to be right on their face. Of course, they will have their reasons to be negative.  What I am saying is that don’t drain your energy in useless things.

Suppose, you are in an urgent work and your colleague comes to you and starts gossiping about your another colleague. It is not ok to sit and hear his/her ranting. You have got some important deadlines to meet! You have to draw a line there and stop it. Else, who is the loser? - YOU.

6. Be assertive

It helps to imagine that you are the person in control of the situation. Make eye contact and speak clearly. Don’t mumble your no, mmkay? This is extremely helpful if you feel that you are being taken advantage of.

Be stable and firm in your decision and don’t hesitate to say 'NO'.

7. Give them options

Just to be polite, you can give them other options. If your colleague interrupts you with some gossips in the middle of your work, maybe you could stop and say "Hey, I am really interested to hear what you have. But, I feel this is not the right time because I have some important work to cover. Can we catch at the tea break? Will that be fine?". Obviously, the answer would be "Yes". No one is going to say "Sorry, you gotta hear my useless bitching even if you cannot complete your work".



So always, chose your 'NO' wise and loud. No harm in that :)


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