Most of us feel like
saying 'NO' will hurt someone's feelings.
I am one of that
kind. It was very hard for me to say "NO" to anything. I am a go-to
person for all my friends. They have any problem, the next person they come is
to me. They would vent out all that they have and return light-hearted. Most of
the time I will feel that I had helped someone with their feelings. That would
give me a kind of happiness.
But, sometimes I
will be left overwhelmed. See, no matter how much I am happy and colorful, I
also have my bad and worse days. After all, I am a human being. We all have our
ups and downs.
Somedays, I would
already be in a very low mood, when someone would suddenly call or text and
start talking about their problems. And, I never stopped them. So, adding on to
my pressure I also end up hearing others' problems. This would drain me out. I
never stopped people because I thought it would be rude.
Somedays were too
hard for me to digest everyone's problems. As much as I love to help people, I
also want someone to hear me out. But the thing is, I am the one who is always
on the listener's side.
I then understood
the power of saying 'NO'. See, it's okay to say 'NO'. If I wanted to protect my
energy I will say 'NO'. It is not rude to express your feelings. You cannot
drain out in order to please anyone. No. you cannot do that. I have been there,
done that. Don’t add on the pressure just to please them. If you feel you don’t
want to talk then don’t.
1. Say out the word
The word 'NO' has extreme power. Don’t drag your 'NO'. Don’t say something like "You know, I
don’t want to go out", "I am
not willing to do that" or "I could not help you with that". Just
say "NO", "No, I am not coming out", "NO, I am not
doing that". Prefix 'No' to your sentence. It is powerful and it will
express your emotions perfectly.
2. Choose you
Every time you say
'Yes' to someone else's needs over yours then it means that you are letting
yourself down.
As I always say,
there is no one to walk your path and feel what you feel. You are your greatest
love. So, always choose you over anyone.
I know it might feel
uncomfortable at first. Because, the people who are not used to saying 'No' are
the ones with most helping tendency. They put themselves out just to meet the
needs of others. This might be generous of you from the other person's point of
view. But no one will know that you are dying to say a "NO" and end
it.
So, choose what you
want to say. Be generous to yourself first and then go meet the needs of
others.
3. Understand people's tactics
Ahhh… This part is
the most important part. Not everyone who is asking something from you is
doing it out of a genuine need. A deep manipulation might lie behind that.
I am a victim of
this manipulation. I have lost 30,000+ rupees just because I did not know they
were manipulating. They would talk so well with all their sales skills and
manipulate you to pay to their product or service. If I was strong and firm in
saying "NO" then as I am doing today, then I would have saved lakhs in my
account.
Understand their
motives before diving in and saying an enthusiastic "YES".
4. Ask questions
Asking a question is a powerful tool for everything in your life.
This is highly
effective in a work situation. Let's say a supervisor is asking you to take on
several tasks--more than you can handle. You might say, "I'm happy to do
X, Y, and Z; however, I would need three weeks, rather than two, to do a
good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"
5. Set boundaries
Boundaries are
important, especially with some people. If you know that someone is sure of
being a negative influence then please avoid them. I am not asking you to be
right on their face. Of course, they will have their reasons to be negative. What I am saying is that don’t drain your
energy in useless things.
Suppose, you are in
an urgent work and your colleague comes to you and starts gossiping about your
another colleague. It is not ok to sit and hear his/her ranting. You have got
some important deadlines to meet! You have to draw a line there and stop it. Else,
who is the loser? - YOU.
6. Be assertive
It helps to imagine
that you are the person in control of the situation. Make eye contact and speak
clearly. Don’t mumble your no, mmkay? This is extremely helpful if you feel
that you are being taken advantage of.
Be stable and firm
in your decision and don’t hesitate to say 'NO'.
7. Give them options
Just to be polite,
you can give them other options. If your colleague interrupts you with some
gossips in the middle of your work, maybe you could stop and say "Hey, I
am really interested to hear what you have. But, I feel this is not the right
time because I have some important work to cover. Can we catch at the tea
break? Will that be fine?". Obviously, the answer would be
"Yes". No one is going to say "Sorry, you gotta hear my useless
bitching even if you cannot complete your work".
So always, chose
your 'NO' wise and loud. No harm in that :)
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