According to me
Empathy is the most needed skill in anything you do. Be it in your work, home,
personal relationships, or anything. Empathy can make you more humane.
I always love
understanding people and helping them out. But, I had one major drawback - I
was short-tempered and had a very bad anger management. This is the one habit I
really wanted to change in me.
The one thing that
helped me with my anger issues is empathy. Empathy helped me calm down when
someone did not understand me. Empathy is a great habit to develop. It has made
magic in my life. I am more calm and peaceful nowadays.
Empathy is
understanding other person's feelings. It is standing in their shoes and
sinking into their skin. Empathy is processing the other person's feelings to
understand how and why they are behaving in a particular manner.
Suppose, say you are
married. One day, your partner is coming home from work agitated and angry.
They don’t speak normally with you. They don’t even ask how was your day. When
you partner starts talking he/she is only complaining about what is not good. You
are clueless here.
There are two
options here to ow to react to your partner's behavior.
a. You can shout at them for
being miserable to you. You can prove your point that your partner did not
treat you right. You can shout, throw things and get into a fight. This
might make you feel good in short term. But soon or less, you will start
having your guilt trip
b. Or you have one more way of how you can respond. You can analyze why your spouse is behaving in a
certain way. Maybe they had to work late hours, maybe they lost their
promotion. Maybe they were humiliated in a meeting. Just get into your partner's role and feel what they feel. What would you want to do when you
were in that kind of situation. Will you want your partner to throw tantrums after returning from such a stressful day? Obviously no right.
So,
understand and what your partner is going through and try to help them. Maybe
you could cook their favorite food for dinner, or you can leave them alone if
that is what they want.
Empathy can save a
lot of relationships and problems. You have to understand other persons feeling
and be kind to them accordingly.
1. Develop a Perspective
Having a perspective
is an important aspect of developing empathy. Perspective is nothing but
choices.
For example, Your
friend gets angry on you because you did not come to her birthday party. Now,
you might think that "She can't be angry on me because I did not come to
the party, I was tired because of work. She is so mean".
Your friend might
think "He was the only friend I had. I am important to no one. I feel
miserable. He did not come to the party because he did not want to be with
me"
See, these are two
different perspectives. The ambiguous thoughts of your friend's and yours can be
corrected only if you people switch places.
You should see the
world from your friend's eyes. How much she should have missed you, how she had
no one except you, how upset she should have got. When you understand your
friend's feelings, you won't think that you friend is mean. The dispute would
be solved before even starting.
This is how, you
develop perspective. Just by understanding why someone is reacting in a certain
way.
2. Try someone else's life
Every being in this
world is unique. If you really want to understand why the other person has
different belief's than yours, then there is no better way than living their
life.
Try going to a
mosque or Hindu temple rather than a church. Try eating what they eat. Try
communicating like them. Understand why they have certain beliefs.
Also, understand
most of problems in the world is created because of a lack of empathy. One person
considers their god the best whereas the other fights and says that their
religion is the most peaceful. Two parties then fight to prove which religion
is peaceful. Know that only because you believe that something is true, the
other person might not need to believe your truth. They will have their own
truth that they follow. We have to learn to respect that. Mocking other
religion or other's beliefs will never make you cool.
3. Work on a shared cause
I love this because
working on a shared cause gives you greater opportunities to interact with
people of different backgrounds and beliefs. This will help you understand
others in a more efficient way.
For example, when
Chennai and Kerala were flooded, there were so many people from different parts
of the world who came together to help people. When mosques were flooded, Hindu
temples were open. When Christians were wounded Sikhs came forward to help.
Regardless of our
differences, we are all human beings. We are emotionally connected to other
humans. When we worked on a shared cause like this we will be more vulnerable
to the changes and we will develop more respect for others opinions.
4. Talk to people
Talk to random
people. Understand how they view the world. Make connections.
Empathy can be found
in everything you view. Be curious about what the other person's model of the
world looks like. Learn how others approach religion and politics. Embrace your
learning. There is no good teacher like the life itself. So, get the most out
of it.
5. Read fiction of different
genres
Fiction books are a
great source of imagination. When you read you will sink into the world of the
author. Once you get accustomed to reading you will understand how all the
characters in the book act and feel.
Reading is something
that you can enjoy and learn simultaneously. Read fiction to develop a perspective of the world.
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