7 effective ways to overcome self-criticism

You are your greatest motivator and criticizer. The highest form of motivation and criticism comes from your within.

Self-criticism is a process where you degrade your own abilities. You punish yourself with harsh words that you will never dare to rage on even on your worst enemy.

Mostly, your self-criticizing thoughts are automatic thoughts. Which means that they are unconscious thoughts.

They occur to you naturally like breathing.

When you have too much self-criticizing unconscious thoughts, your life will sink down and all your dreams might go in vain.

I have undergone the same emotional trauma because of self-criticizing thoughts.

I thought I was of no use, I am worthless, I am ugly and all sorts of nonsense. My life was dark like a tunnel with no end.

Once I started changing my unconscious, automatic thoughts that self-sabotaged me, my tunnel had a light with vision. It was coming from darkness to light.

1. Pay attention to your thoughts

The first step is to observe your thoughts.

Mostly, when we speak out of our unconscious mind, we spill words impulsively. We say things that hurt our self-confidence and self-esteem.

So keep a note on what words you use, how your temper is raising, how horrible you feel at the time of a self-criticizing thought.

This way, you will at least know how you are hurting yourself badly.

2. Pause and reflect

The next time when you catch yourself saying "I am not worthy", "I am a failure" just pause and observe it. Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling unworthy?" and derive your answer.

Dig down deep into your self-criticizing statement and understand why you are feeling what you are feeling.

Sometimes, when you stop and question your negative thought, you will understand that the actual reason for the thought is pointless.

For example, One of my friends always said "I am capable of nothing", Then I asked, "Why do you feel that way?".

He said "Because I can't do anything properly?", I asked, "Does that mean that you have never done anything right from your birth?". He then snapped back saying "No, but most of the time I am a failure", I then asked him back "Does that mean sometimes you have been successful?". He replied "Yeah. I have won a couple of matches, secured the highest rank, but..", I go here again asking "So you said you are capable of nothing, and then again you say you have won matches. So doesn't this conclude that your first statement is a total false?". He stood there staring.

See it is just simple. You have to ask a series of questions that will make your negative statement a total false. Most of the times your self-criticizing statement is false.

3. Write them down and substitute a more rational response

When you have a negative thought. Just jolt it down in a notebook. And then, substitute a rational response to it.

It sounds so simple. But trust me it is an effective process.

For example, in the automatic thoughts column, you write "I am very lazy, I am a failure. I cannot succeed in anything".

Now, in the rational response column, you should substitute some more positive responses like "I know that sometimes I am lazy. But that does not mean that I am a failure. Laziness is just behavior and behavior can be changed anytime. I will for sure work on it and change it. This cannot conclude my success."

Write the response that seems truthful to you. You cannot write something like "I am very active. I am successful". This will make no sense because in your mind you will know that you are lazy.

So, only substitute a really rational response to your automatic self-criticizing thought.

4. Talk to yourself as you talk to your close friend

Will you say to your close friend "You are useless, you are an idiot and a complete loss". Will you? Probably not because we care about the feelings of someone we love.

Treat yourself the same way you treat your best friend. Don't be really hard on yourself.

We all run to other's needs and fail to cover our own. Always learn to fill your cup first before pouring it into others.

5. Talkback to your negative thoughts

Consider your negative self-talk like an enemy. Whenever you say something bad about yourself think that there is an enemy inside your head speaking negatively of you. How would you tackle him/her back?

Just talk back to it. Say that you don't believe it. Shout that you know your capability and your worth.

6. Journaling

One thing that I always recommend is journaling.

Journal your negative thoughts, your problems. I swear when you go on and practice this, the fallen pieces of the puzzle will come together and you will get a solution to all your problems.

Our unconscious mind is the key to all our solutions. Just by journaling with the flow, we might come with suggestions from the unconscious mind that would really work.

7. Are you talking about the truth?

This is really important. You should know the base of your statement.

You might say "you are useless", but you are not. This might not be true. Please don't give in to whatever you are saying.

It might not be true just because it is coming out from your own mouth. Analyze the truth and believe only what is really true