How to develop a growth mindset in a relationship

Nowadays, divorce rates have drastically increased, especially in India. If two people don’t cope up with each other, the immediate decision they take is divorce.

 The saddest part is, most divorces happen after they become parents. The only person who is most affected by the imbalanced and chaotic condition of the household is the child.

 If people possess a growth-minded way to handle things in relationships, it will never end up in divorce.  

Work on your relationship

Some people believe that, if they have to put in the effort to maintain a relationship it means it is not meant to be. They imagine that all good relationships should happen by itself without any effort. This is how a fixed mindset thinks of a relationship.

On the other hand, people who approach relationships with a growth mindset never sit ideally and wish some magic to happen. They put in the efforts needed. They value the relationship more than their indifferences and quarrels. So, they make it happen rather than waiting for someone to throw spells on their relationship. 

One of the most destructive beliefs for a relationship, “If we need to work at it, there is something seriously wrong with our relationship”.

 No relationship is perfect, everyone has their flaws and when couples come together with their flaws might clash with one another.

 They may develop ego and insecurities.

 All of these are common and usual. There is no “Happily ever after” like the movies. You have to keep working at it.

Understand each other's point of view

The only difference between divorced couples and the long-lasting ones are the ability to understand each other in between the fights ( Here, I am not supporting abusive and toxic relationships. I am just prompting on the fragile relationships that can last long but are not lasting due to misunderstanding).  

Move on with your life

The most important part of being a growth-minded individual is that one can overcome breakup and divorce easily than those who are not a growth-minded person.

 This is because the growth-minded individuals tend to forgive their ex-partner and move on with their life.

 They forget and let go of all the bad that happened to them when in a relationship.

 This makes them feel lighter and more excited about a brand new life ahead.

But whereas, people with a fixed mindset need a toll of revenge on their ex. To the worst, they plan things out to hurt their ex physically and also abuse them mentally.

One of my friends was in a relationship for six years. They were all good and happy. But, one day everything darkened. She found that her partner was cheating on her with another woman. She broke up with him but only physically, mentally he was all over her head. She planned so many acts of revenge but never executed any. Because of this she became too involved with his thoughts and started stalking him without knowing why she is doing that. She lost her focus on her career and was never able to trust any guys after that. She also always used to say “Let Karma take care of you”. She hated him so much and was never able to move on with all that pain clawed into her. Her life was pathetic after that.

 Why was she so concerned about his life when her’s was falling apart? It is because of the fixed mindset she had and the tendency to take revenge.  

Don't mind read your partner

People with a fixed mindset are kind of magicians and witches when coming to mind reading.

They read their partner’s mind and interpret how they wish to be and start thinking on their behalf.

No matter how much you love each other, you can never feel what another person is feeling. You have to communicate.

Communication is the key to any long-lasting relationship.  

Work on Solutions rather than plain argument

In a fixed minded relationship, people never find a solution to the problem.

They never accept their mistake and try to change.

 Instead, they blame each other for their mistakes. They are always in competition with their partner. This behavior will definitely lead to a broken relationship.

 I have heard the story of a famous cine couple who broke up because they were in competition with each other. They were not supportive and appreciative of each other’s talent.

 In a relationship, a growth mindset lets you rise above the blame, understand the problem and try to fix it together.

 It is really essential to develop a growth mindset in a relationship because the household is the starting point of everything.

 If you are not happy in your home, you will lose focus in your career and this will reflect in your paycheck. In so many ways, building a happy home is beneficial to you and your family.  

  

A growth mindset plays various roles in our life to lift our perspective. But, personally, I feel that the growth mindset is most important in relationships - be it in couples, between parent and a kid or society and friends. Relationships are so emotionally attached to us. They make us and break us too. When you have a healthy perspective towards your relationships, you will be a much happier person.